Yes...you read that right. Victims of bullying aren't really victims. They're just being punished for not displaying that toadying, subservient respect young sociopaths are entitled to.
I'm certain that my programs will embolden America's more than generous stock of young sociopaths, legitimize the criminally incompetent parents who role model their behavior, and degrade victims every bit as effectively as Bullies2Buddies.
And I get to charge a fee as well...
Stay out of the hot sun folks and don't forget to leave a comment for Izzy Kalman on his Psychology Today site. I'm no longer allowed to.
As funny as this is, I have to give Izzy a little credit...
ReplyDeleteI did read his book "Bullies to Buddies." And while he does fanatically defend bullies and praise/glorify them as simply being "misunderstood", while noting how valuable they'd have been in the caveman era, while also demonizing those who dislike them in the slightest, he does draw the line somewhere...
He does note that if a bully is absolutely intent on violence, and that you cannot dissuade them, that you should immediately rat them out to a teacher or tell on them to a cop or other authority figure.
I don't think Izzy realizes that sometimes you gotta fight like a man and stand up for yourself. It's easy to see why teachers love his book, because according to his book, bullying is nothing more than the imagination of wimpy, confused losers who don't "get" their bullies.
Like say, if I mock some kid as a being a fucking faggot, or call some girl a fat, ugly whore, I'm really just "teasing" them and if they're offended then they're bringing it on themselves but if they can laugh it off and toady up to me then they're doing the right thing. I'm not bullying them- I'm just telling the first one not to act so gay while letting the other one know she needs to lose weight! (sadly, that last line isn't sarcasm, he says something to that extent in the book that insults by bullies are just "helpful advice" that get misconstrued by the socially incompetent instead of being praised as advice and "tests" of ones coolness)
I didn't read his book but we e-mailed each other for weeks. He gave every indication that he can't tell the difference between a bully and a socially challenged but harmless pest.
DeleteHere's a more complete explanation.
http://chickensoupfortheterroristsoul.blogspot.com/2012/05/chicken-soup-describes-bullying-process.html
I hope you read it for the Holidays. Hell, I'd even be willing to send you my copy once I can stomach the final 40 or so pages. (I included some humorous commentary that's not politically correct)
DeleteI'll probably read it at some point, if for no other reason than to deflect Kalman's possible criticism that I don't understand what he's really doing because I haven't read his book.
DeleteMy primary problem is both simple and familiar to most Americans. I am time poor. I find myself wishing I could go back to my first few years after high school when I still lived at home and had lots of free time to do whatever I wanted. The problem then was that I had no clear idea of what I wanted to accomplish. Now I know what I want to do but lack the time to do it.
Reading Kalman's book is on my TO DO list but it's not a high priority so it's likely to be delayed for months.
Ok...I ordered it through Amazon. It cost one dollar and 47 cents...and four bucks to ship it here.
DeleteI can't wait to read your review! Damn shame I'm on vacation.
DeleteAgain, in some areas he's spot-on (how to avoid encouraging your bully by manifesting pain/discomfort/displeasure when say, they make nasty remarks about your race) and in others the guy's loco. (bullies insulting you are just trying to help you out.)
Also, his "invisible shield" argument (on why you should never fear bullies- ie, "the law" or "teachers" will step in) kinda falls flat. In a country with 30,000 people shot every year and countless uncaring petty bureacrats showing favoritism to the most valuable of the two assets in conflicts (example- at Columbine, after a fight, the Trench Coat Mafia, God bless them, were punished but the Jocks weren't even slapped on the wrist. It was instantly assumed the TCM were at fault and that the jocks were all angels. Attitudes like that are simply maddening to have to endure for years, especially with all the propaganda about how "it's preparing you for the real world," and "if you can't handle school you'll be worthless out there when you leave"
I ordered the book but I don't expect it until January. I should have a review by early February.
DeleteI wouldn't be too quick to praise the Trench Coat Mafia. Some of them beat up preppy kids you know.
Delete- Jesse C.
This isn't about praising anyone. This weblog criticizes a system that protects and praises cruelty and violence when committed by relatively high status individuals against relatively low status individuals.
DeleteSorry. That comment was directed at Anonymous.
Delete- Jesse
What in the world, Fowl Ideas?! I thought that you aren't supportive of Izzy anymore! Now you're modelling yourself after him?! What gives?! He's an enemy to innocent people.
ReplyDeleteAnd how can you claim that victims of bullying aren't really victims? In case you forgot, bullying create victims like there's no tomorrow. I mean, haven't your children been victimized before?
My sarcasm is too subtle for the average human.
DeleteAccording to one bio I read online his parents were Holocaust survivors. You'd think he'd be more sensitive to the behavior of power seeking sociopaths.
It sounds as if school 'rules' are designed to drive kids crazy. Or make them conform to our insane mafia playground. Take a look at Charlotte Iserbyt's YouTube videos on Dumbing Down for more on that. But the Holocaust Survivor - and kudos to survivors of the camps - is no role model for Israeli treatment of Palestinians. That was Ahmadinejad's problem re: getting decent translation and reporting of his speeches...nations preying on the weak. And in a world where US WMD is the biggest threat along with a humungous system of military bases occupying foreign soil...trying to find balanced commentary is hard going.
ReplyDeleteAs for the behaviour of power seeking sociopaths...like Churchill...all is not as it seems. http://my.opera.com/oldephartte/blog/2013/03/24/denier
The American Public School System is somehow expected to compensate for the results of criminally incompetent parenting while simultaneously being required to behave as if parents are never at fault. Law enforcement officers are faced with the same problem. I wouldn't take either job for all the money in the world.
Deletehttp://dissention.wordpress.com/2012/04/07/why-school-teachers-ignore-bullying-amongst-their-students/
ReplyDeleteBtw, Fowl Ideas, this topic kind of reminded me of your blog.
It seems true that the nature of the teacher-student often resembles that of the warden-inmate relationship.
I have been guilty of procrastination (not to mention distracted by real life concerns away from my laptop), but better late than never. I wanted to comment in this post, Fowl Ideas, before you start the first post (OP?) for the new year.
ReplyDeleteHere are several comments about our favorite psychologist.
1) Izzy is a hypocrite. He tells bullied kids to keep their mouths shut while he frequently complains publicly about receiving "nasty messages" from those who disagree with him. In other words, he has one standard for bullied kids and a different standard for himself. He should "butch up" and not complain about it.
2) Regarding the fact that Izzy's parents were Holocaust survivors: The observation has been made that Holocaust survivors were left with either one of two completely different mindsets after their traumatic experiences. The first was to have developed a decidedly moralistic view of how human beings should treat others. (A good example is Elie Wiesel, who has shown a marked concern for the human rights of others besides Jews.) The second mindset is a callous view of human beings that considers the brutal exercise of power to be of far greater importance and meaning than moral ideals. This mindset is often immoral. (A good example of this negative mindset is Henry Kissinger, who escaped Nazi Germany as a young boy in the early years before the mass killings began. He has always scoffed at the notion of human rights. His completely amoral view of foreign policy is characterized by the support of brutal dictators, even bringing them to power, as long as they "serve U.S. interests." Many regard Kissinger as a war criminal today.) Perhaps one or both of Izzy's parents were left with this negative mindset and, as a result, inculcated social Darwinist philosophy in their son. Admittedly, this is speculation; but it could, in fact, be true.
3) Izzy has psychological views that are kooky. For example, I had a brief exchange with him at his website a few years ago. I responded to his claim that victims further provoked bullies by their reactions to their bullying. I wrote to him that whenever I encountered verbal bullying when I was a boy, I would not react emotionally. I usually did not react at all. I further said that any crying I ever did was done in the privacy of my home. Not even my parents knew. Izzy replied back to me by saying that bullies can tell when those whom they bully cry at their homes! He claimed that a bully could tell when his victim had been crying at home! This is laughable! What nonsense! How is this even possible? Do bullies have some kind of supernatural ability that the rest of us lack? This is the claim of a quack. He has also claimed that virtually every person alive has been born a bully, which is just as stupid and absurd as claiming that every man is born to be a rapist. How can anyone take this guy seriously? Why does Psychology Today hold him up as some kind of infallible authority? Why hasn't he been challenged to debate by another psychologist?
4) There is a consolation regarding Izzy. He doesn't appear to be well-known. Seems to me that many people haven't even heard of him. Perhaps what popularity he now enjoys has reached its crest. But the fact remains that he still needs to be discredited.
I do try.
DeleteRead his book and review it!
ReplyDeleteTo the anony two posts above me, did you offer any observable reactions to your bully?
Not crying in front of them doesn't matter, as long as they can tell that you're miserable, unhappy and stressed then such reactions will please those sadists greatly.
There's a website called Sociopathworld. In it, the owner claims to greatly enjoy "ruining" others, and many like-minded commenters have chimed in similar feelings.
ReplyDeleteThis jives with Robert Hare's description of psychopaths as having physically normal brains, except for the notable (and observable) absence of what causes "social emotions". Without these things any human becomes all about power and control, instead of the usual complex blend of empathy, tribalism, defense mechanisms and self-interest.
Apparently Izzy's life experience falls short of a truly well rounded one (I myself can count at least half a dozen encounters with socialized psychopath s. In my research, the only thing that made sense to me in understanding them is that they're brains are physically different). In his world there is no such thing as incorrigibility, probably because he's never perceived it. Or allowed himself to. I'm open to the likelihood that he's fortified his dogmatic position so much he's incapable of perceiving scientific reality, which can at times, be quite unsettling for us more empathic types.
I'll be spending some time at Sociopathworld in the near future. It sounds interesting.
Delete