Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Chicken Soup with the Columbine has beens...

Middle aged has been number one calmly lit a king size, all white, filter tipped cigarette and prepared to impress the others. "You know" she began proudly, "I really hate to sound like I'm bragging but my daughter fellated ten members of the football team after last Friday's game." Middle aged has been number one was obviously proud of her daughter's endurance. She understood how a girl gets ahead in life and thoughtfully passed her knowledge onto her offspring.

Middle aged has been number two wasn't impressed. She understood that getting ahead required a girl to be a bit more selective. Her cigarette was longer than middle aged has been number one's, 100 millimeters, all white, and also filter tipped. "My daughter satisfied the quarterback and two running backs in the back of a Humvee." Simply being a football player wasn't enough for her daughter. A smart girl got ahead by taming a young man who's family could afford to give their son an expensive automobile.

Middle aged has been number three stood quietly while the other two finished their unimpressive banter. She smoked the longest cigarettes of all. Middle aged has been number three took an extra long drag on her 120 millimeter, all white, filter tipped cigarette and reminded the others who the alpha female was. "My daughter proved her worthiness by fellating the captain and the co-captain until they were simply exhausted."

The other two middle aged has beens were speechless. After satisfying both the captain and the co-captain there wasn't anywhere else to go, nothing to which a girl could aspire. She'd made it to the top. They struggled to maintain their composure and searched for the proper compliment. After all, it wasn't every day that one enjoyed the honor of such high class company.


  1. LOL, epic! Fucking epic!

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  3. When I was in high school back in the dark ages students were allowed to smoke openly anywhere on campus. I attended a very small number of football games, usually because a friend had tickets and didn't want to go alone. I took notice of the fact that most of the pretty girls and their mothers wouldn't just smoke at the games, they literally fellated long, white cigarettes at key moments when a critical play was being made or when Mr. Steroid was making an ass of himself by throwing a tantrum over the ref's call. If I'd been one of the chosen ones I might have associated smoking with sexiness. Instead I learned to associate it with snobbishness, social exclusion, and a complete lack of concern for others.